Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
