He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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