Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
