Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
