he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
