do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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