worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
