ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
