So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
