Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
