I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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