Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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