when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
