We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
