nutella sex= disaster
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
