I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am one with the molecules
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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