Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
