Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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