Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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