Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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