I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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