She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
