too bad you live with your parents still
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
