Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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