we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
