So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
