You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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