I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
