it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
