And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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