Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
