NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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