My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
