there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
