her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
They should really pass out barf bags in church
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
