i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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