my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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