Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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