Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
