You really coming over, don't trick.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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