When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
