They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
