Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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