I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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