i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
