im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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