I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
