I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
