just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
