there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
