party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
