I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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