So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
